“Thank god it’s Bird Flu…I thought it might be Mad Cow disease…”
Even if the Daily Mail had been around, it didn’t happen in 634 BC, “the year of the twelve eagles”, nor did it happen for William Miller and the Millerites in 1843, far less for the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn in 2010.
Most famously of all it did not happen for Y2K, or as you might remember it the “Millennium Bug”, a wholly spurious doom that was, we were told, going to overwhelm all the computers on earth come the change of the calendar from 1999 to 2000. Oh how we shuddered at the thought that all their little internal clocks would fall over and planes would plunge from the skies, lifts would jam in tower blocks (no one ever explained why a lift needed a calendar) my toaster would never work again and all would be DOOM.
Of course nothing happened save for a number of old Cobal programmers pocketing a great deal of underserved cash and retiring early.
Last year saw both 2012 the Mayan Calendar nonsense fail, and bugger all happening at Bugarach.
But fear not! Or fear lots if you are a Daily Mail reader. Worse, this H7N9 nonsense is being touted round the world by the Guardian – who really ought to know better and even the Huffington Post who have never really been the same since they sold out.
For hot on the heels of Harold Camping, Branch Davidian and HIV is a medical scare to terrify you right now. Bird Flu is abroad again and this time – it’s catching. Well maybe. Seems that some poor sods in China, who labour day after day knee deep in chicken shite in unventilated hangers filled with millions of the poor beasts have caught something nasty. Three have died and the world (last population count 7 billions) are taking fright that it is headed their way. Now we are frightened again is this an opportunity to resell all those overpriced stocks of Tamiflu? Do we need to turn to big Pharma for a new vaccine? Who, apart from the cynical old hacks at the Daily Mail desperate for greater sales, stand to gain by all this? Who gains from parroting paranoia? Well, the pharmacology firms pushing dubious drugs for one, makers of cheap masks for sale to a scared public “just in case”, makers of respirators which can be pushed wholesale onto panicky hospital buyers again “just in case” and surprisingly the American chicken industry.
What better than a “foreign” infection to block imports legally and punt your own local “safer” chicken which can steal a march on its foreign cheaper imports?
Copyright David Macadam 2013