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What signs might we take as definitive that a candidate is genuinely set to run for President? A PAC perhaps? Maybe a Web site? How about Bumper stickers and pin badges?

What about going on a diet?

Well that is exactly what Jeb Bush has announced he is going on. Having taken his genetic build from his mother Barbara’s more chunky relations, than his father or brother’s side, the thought of a solid year of fast food and Rotarian and donor dinners may be too much to contemplate. Certainly his choice of the latest fad de jour – the Palaeolithic diet, which eschews any starch or dairy products and has no refined sugars whatsoever, should mean he can happily decline any of the fat soaked sugary concoctions likely to be foisted on a hapless candidate.

It’s certainly working and the difference is already clear. Our clearly slimmer Governor seems to have lost about 30 pounds already. He can get back to his beloved enchiladas and chilaquiles once the whole election business is over.
Whatever other benefits this diet has it would most certainly assist in avoiding snickering twitter comments, unflattering images and silly press headlines by allowing the bold boy to avoid eating in public. My mother would have immediately approved.

Bachmann-Corn-Dog_1971513cPicture Credit Reuters
You see mummy was an indefatigable stickler for public decorum. She was never convinced of the need to eat in public, seeing the whole business as vulgar, coarse, and probably working class. The picture above of Michelle Bachmann sticking a foot-long corn dog in her mouth at the Iowa fair last time round would only have convinced the old girl she was right all along.

Of course mother was never propelled by the politician’s need to appear “hip” and “with-it”, she never had their all-consuming insecure need to be “down wid da kids” at every turn. Hence their need to hove up at these dreary public affairs and at least look like they know how the peasants live.

The appalling Horlicks Edward Miliband made of trying to eat a bacon sandwich is proof enough if proof is needed that eating anything in public will haunt you.

Ed-Milliband2Picture Credit: London Evening Standard
No picture exists, that I know of, showing that most posh of British socialists, Peter Mandleson allegedly mistaking mushy peas for guacamole when dragged into a Chip shop on a visit to Northern England, thus at a stroke showing how terminally out of touch the political elite can be. But, to make up for it here is a picture of him being hit by a plate of green custard.

mandlesonPicture: Mail

The trick, as I am sure Michelle now realises, is never to put the damned things anywhere near your mouth, as doing so only invites a host of vulgar caption competitions all across the blogosphere.

Ice cream is another phallic threat to the dignity of the aspiring politician. Here in Britain the usual way to obviate any unwanted interest is to swan about with it for a couple of minutes before handing it over to an aide who is left to deal with the thing melting down his hand. Again the answer is “keep the thing away from your mouth”. A lesson Ricky Santorum had yet to learn on his outing for President. Very statesmanlike I’m sure.

santorumUnknown source

All traps that Jeb Bush has deftly avoided whilst garnering some good publicity.
However I could not leave off without my all-time favourite which just has to be the picture of Jeb’s brother, George Bush, eating a kitten. You couldn’t make it up. Pure pleasure.

bush and kitten

Picture: Unknown

Copyright David Macadam 2015