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Its been a rough old week here in Britain and likely to get a whole lot worse before its better so we Brits needed a bit of a fillip, a little joy to be doled out to the nation, and what better than a silly story about pretentious stupid French men.

Well it makes a change from King Allan – remember him?

Enter on cue one Francois Graffieaux (aged 73) who wonderfully has laid claim to the British throne with some old tarrydiddle that his family are the rightful heirs to the Crown Imperial because his old grandma had ze rumpy-pumpy with the then Edward Prince of Wales later King Edward VIII of ill rememberance.

Oh joy!  Our very own Frog King!  His claim is that his father Pierre-Edouard (note the similarity of that second name….must be telling us something eh?) was the result of this short lived leg-over with Marie-Leonid a french seamstress some time in 1915.  The child being born in 1916.  Its seems his papa was a bit vague as to who gran papa was.  How very French.  No name on the birth certificate in 1916.  Hmm so it must have been a British Royal then and not some lowly French soldier a la a knee trembler moment in the cellar during a black out after a couple of pastis all round.  Uh-huh.

Oh yes and an old girlfriend when pissed one evening thought there might be a resemblance.  Oh check for yourselves.


If it wasnt for the nose, those eyes and that mouth you might be fooled.

Francois now wants the Queen to post over a dod of DNA – snot, dandruff ,gob of old spit her choice he says he doesn’t mind, so he can prove his claim.  If not well he will recourse to Court no less!  Quite what the grounds might be is not entirely clear.  Except that there is a book in it for sure.

Here is why it wont get off first base.

  1.  He is the son of a bastard.  Royal Bastards don’t inherit the throne.  Otherwise they would be queueing round the block we have so many we already know about.
  2. Not only would parents have to be married – they would have to be married under the terms of the Royal Marriages Act of 1772, where permission is required from the reigning monarch. (See they saw this sort of nonsense coming centuries ago).
  3. Edward VII abdicated in 1936.  The terms of the Abdication ruled any of his line from claiming the throne.

Now this is what boils my beans about the whole farango.  This is a total Non News story from start to finish.  Even if he IS a bastard descendant of the British royal family he has no hope of entertaining a claim.  He never did.  So why on earth do the likes of the British press bang on as if he is?  It dilutes journalism, reduces public trust in the newspaper trade and simplyfies  us all.  Rubbish like this detracts us from more important issues that newspapers and the media once used to concentrate on.


Copyright David Macadam 2019